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WhileIBreatheIHope

Ask me anything   Hi, I am Beki. (: Over all I try to live my life the best way possible. I live to accomplish my dreams and goals in life with a positive mind and with the help of my family and friends supporting me. I am just here to blog about what is on my mind, what interest me & grabs my attention. Feel free to follow back! Enjoy!(:<3

Soooooo my lovely mother told my dad that i am thinking of moving to Kansas within a year. -_- This was bad by telling my dad that because ever since that day he has been depress and my mom says he cries at the dinner table when I go off to work. She says that he says that he can’t believe why i think that way of wanting to move so soon and why i am changing my life for Ricardo? I am definitely not ready to move to Kansas. It’s too many things I have to think about and there’s so much responsibility that comes with moving out of the house, especially out if state!
Moral of story my mom made it even harder for me to ask my dad or tell my dad that I am going for a week to Kansas in December to see Ricardo. Why is it hard? Because my dad has been avoiding me, avoiding eye contact and I feel like if I ask him I’ll make him cry that instant! Ahhhhhh! I am in such a hard situation!

— 1 year ago
#personal  #journal  #life  #future  #growing up  #life is scary 

Super excited my manager said “yes” to taking time off in December to go to Kansas! Now all I need is the approval of my dad. I am really thinking of going without permission. Like what the heck I’ll be 20 years old by then why should still ask. Instead I should inform him that I’ll be going to Kansas and be gone a certain amount of time. Plus I don’t have time to wait forever to ask him because Ricardo is paying for my airplane ticket and I don’t want him to have to pay $500 bucks! Let’s see how this goes.

— 2 years ago
#personal  #journal  #life  #vacation  #kansas  #arizona  #ldr  #permisson  #complicated 

I am getting more in to wanting to learn how to cook! I know how to cook some food but not like my momma or Ricardo’s mom! I want to be able to cook a different dish every day for Ricardo just like my mom did for my dad when they got married! As well because I am not a big fan of eating out every day. Ricardo on the other hand is just because he always put and about but I would like to change that and have every day a homemade breakfast, lunch and dinner together. :)

— 2 years ago
#personal  #journal  #life  #learning  #cooking  #future 
So if I am to get my round trip tickets for Kansas within this week or two this is how much it&#8217;ll be. It&#8217;s pretty cheap! I don&#8217;t have to worry about paying because Ricardo is covering my airplane ticket. What I need to worry about it getting at least 4 days off from work. I am not sure they&#8217;ll give me the days off since its a few days before the Christmas. What I was thinking is maybe ill say that I have a wedding to go to maybe that way they&#8217;ll let me? In reality I want to go because I want to see Ricardo and so I can attend his sisters baby shower. Who knows maybe her baby will be born around that day! I am just waiting to start school on Monday and see when are all my finals for this semester so I can go ahead and ask at work if I can get those days off before Christmas. Hopefully all goes as planned so Ricardo can purchase the tickets ASAP!

So if I am to get my round trip tickets for Kansas within this week or two this is how much it’ll be. It’s pretty cheap! I don’t have to worry about paying because Ricardo is covering my airplane ticket. What I need to worry about it getting at least 4 days off from work. I am not sure they’ll give me the days off since its a few days before the Christmas. What I was thinking is maybe ill say that I have a wedding to go to maybe that way they’ll let me? In reality I want to go because I want to see Ricardo and so I can attend his sisters baby shower. Who knows maybe her baby will be born around that day! I am just waiting to start school on Monday and see when are all my finals for this semester so I can go ahead and ask at work if I can get those days off before Christmas. Hopefully all goes as planned so Ricardo can purchase the tickets ASAP!

— 2 years ago
#personal  #journal  #planning  #december  #hoping  #kansas  #arizona  #visit  #southwest 
The distance between us doesn’t keep us from reaching for each other! Ricardo and I at the Grand Canyon during this past Tuesday he was in Arizona visiting me. This picture was all his idea and at the end he said this would make a great wedding picture! :) I think this picture defines our relationship, we’re far from each other but that doesn’t keep us from wanting to reach out to each other. The four days that he spent with me where the best four days of my summer! Not only did he spend time with me but with my family as well! I was afraid of him meeting my dad but my dad ended up liking him a lot! It’s perfect, I love his family, he loves mine and we both love each other!

The distance between us doesn’t keep us from reaching for each other! Ricardo and I at the Grand Canyon during this past Tuesday he was in Arizona visiting me. This picture was all his idea and at the end he said this would make a great wedding picture! :) I think this picture defines our relationship, we’re far from each other but that doesn’t keep us from wanting to reach out to each other. The four days that he spent with me where the best four days of my summer! Not only did he spend time with me but with my family as well! I was afraid of him meeting my dad but my dad ended up liking him a lot! It’s perfect, I love his family, he loves mine and we both love each other!

— 2 years ago with 15 notes
#personal  #journal  #life  #ldr  #long distance relationship  #love  #long distance love  #SO  #arizona  #kansas  #visit  #grand canyon  #reach out  #fighting the distance 
First day of him visiting fully a success! Nothing but laughter, heart to heart conversation and having butterfly in your stomach! My parents loved him especially my dad! And he usually doesn’t like anyone! I love the feeling of him being so close to me and knowing that waiting months to see him is all worth it at the end. Now he is in the guest room which is next to my room, I wish we were sleeping in the same room cuddling. Instead we’re texting each other cute messages! Lol now it’s time for me to say goodnight cause we are taking a road trip to the Grand Canyon! Goodnight!

First day of him visiting fully a success! Nothing but laughter, heart to heart conversation and having butterfly in your stomach! My parents loved him especially my dad! And he usually doesn’t like anyone! I love the feeling of him being so close to me and knowing that waiting months to see him is all worth it at the end. Now he is in the guest room which is next to my room, I wish we were sleeping in the same room cuddling. Instead we’re texting each other cute messages! Lol now it’s time for me to say goodnight cause we are taking a road trip to the Grand Canyon! Goodnight!

— 2 years ago with 1 note
#first day  #personal  #journal  #life  #first love  #i love you  #visit  #ldr  #long distance relationship  #long distance love  #ldb  #arizona  #kansas 

Tomorrow is the day! I get to go pick up Ricardo tomorrow at 9AM. I can’t believe that they day has come already any that I’ll finally get to kiss, hug, see him in person and etc! Let’s home we can have sexy time as well ;) (hey you can’t blame me.) He is very excited to come but as well super nervous because of my parents. I just told him to relax and be himself and everything will be okay. I hope these next four days don’t go by fast and instead go slow. Ahhhhh! I am oh so excited! This day is almost over and soon it’ll be tomorrow morning!

— 2 years ago with 1 note
#personal  #life  #journal  #ldr  #long distance relationship  #ldb  #long distance love  #visit  #vacation  #kansas  #arizona 

I am upset right now. Why, why, WHY did my stupid period have to come 4 days before Ricardo gets here! I texted him almost crying and then he called me. All I could do while talking to him is cover myself entirely with my bed sheets and feel mad and upset. He said to calm down but I couldn’t. I want to have at least a night alone with him. And because it’s been 5 months since the last time! What bought a smile to my face is how he said out of no where to me, “W-wait are you using me for sex? I-is that all you want me for? :o” haha he cracked me up. After that I just had a big cheesy smile. I don’t know how he does it. All we can hope for is that my period is gone by Monday, hopefully! If not he said its okay cause at least we’ll be spending time with each other. I love him! Just 4 more days and I’ll get to go pick him up Monday morning at the airport, i any wait!
I love how he tells me every time we talk, “I want to kiss you do bad babe! If I kiss you when I get there will you kiss me back?” and I always try to ruin the moment by saying “Was that suppose to be a rhetorical question?” haha I can’t wait

— 2 years ago
#personal  #thought  #journal  #life  #period  #girl problems  #ldr  #long distance relationship  #kansas  #arizona  #ldb 

Just a week left and I get to go pick up Ricardo at the airport! I am SO excited! I really cannot wait to see him, hug him, kiss him, talk to him face to face and more. This is all I’ve been looking forward to these past two weeks. I am glad that I’ll have a great end to my summer before school begins. These 4 days that he will be here I’ll enjoy them to the fullest.

— 2 years ago with 2 notes
#personal  #journal  #ldr  #long distance relationship  #ldb  #long distance love  #so  #visit  #summer  #august  #kansas  #arizona  #excited 
My baby is coming! I can&#8217;t wait! &lt;3 I&#8217;ll get to have more memories, and pictures with him&lt;3

My baby is coming! I can’t wait! <3 I’ll get to have more memories, and pictures with him<3

— 2 years ago
#personal  #journal  #visit  #vacation  #ldr  #long distance  #long distance love  #long distance relationship  #ldb  #kansas  #arizona  #reunited  #summer  #excited 
Soooooooo I gotta put my full excitement somewhere, Tumblr is the place to do so!

So Ricardo is coming in August and I am oh so ubberly excited! I haven’t seen him since I went in March (in person), cause I’ve only been able to see him through web cam. But its not the same because I can’t hug him, but in a few weeks I’ll be able to do so! No more cyber kisses through our video dates but finally AGAIN real kisses! Ahhhhh! I can’t wait to hold his hand and just be able to look at him when I want. I am super excited as well because we are taking a mini trip to Sedona, Flagstaff and Grand Canyon! :) I get to see my baby. My love since I was 12 years old again. Sorry I just can’t contain myself! 

I can’t wait for August 13th, 8:40 am to come, so I can go pick him up at the airport! I definitely want that cute moment like last time that I just ran to him and hug him! Ahhh! <3

Okay I am done. He’s buying his ticket tomorrow morning and I am requesting my days off tomorrow as well! :D

Okay, bye goodnight everyone. Sweet dreams! <3

— 2 years ago with 1 note
#personal  #journal  #ldr  #long distance relationships  #long distance love  #excited  #visit  #ldb  #arizona  #kansas  #hug  #kisses  #august  #summer 
So its never really over between Ricardo and I, ever!

So we are planning my trip to Kansas for this August before school starts up. My best friend doesn’t agree with it just because she doesn’t want me to get hurt. But I want to go really bad! Ricardo and I have been talking it through. Yeah maybe he should come instead, but I don’t want him to. If he comes we would have no sort of privacy because of my dad. Tonight we are going to make plan. Starting off on how I am going to tell my dad. I already saw airplane tickets and it’ll be around $320 which is not bad at all. Next is hotel, maybe we’ll stay at one for a night or two to have some privacy and the next days stay at his house. I really want to go and I am really hoping for the best! Not only do I want to spend time with him but with his family as well!

— 2 years ago
#personal  #journal  #trip  #vacation  #summer  #kansas  #ldr  #long distance relationship  #long distance love  #ldb  #love  #wont give up  #i love him  #permission 
Why?

Is letting you go the best thing to do? Is eraseing you out of my life like you and I never happen the best thing to do so I can stop hurting? I don’t hurt because of the distance between us, instead I hurt because you have neglected me. Why don’t I ever learn my lesson? You’ve done this quite a few times but I can never let go of you. What is that has me SO attached to you when I don’t even see you, touch you or talk to you? Why is it that when I see a group of guys you are still the one to stand out for me even though you aren’t present? Why do I feel this when you don’t even feel it? Maybe I am over reacting because I am girl and you are a guy. It’s always been that way, the girl shows her pain but the guy just keeps on walking. If you feel pain why can’t you show it so we can help each other be strong? Just like you have given up on us, why can’t I seem to do the same?

*i just wish I could tell you all these thoughts of mine. Why try when I feel that you wouldn’t even listen to me.

— 2 years ago with 2 notes
#journal  #thoughts  #why  #ldr  #long distance relationship  #personal  #hurting  #you left me hurting  #no hope  #answer me